Saturday, February 4, 2012

¿Dónde Esta La Best Actress?

Best Actress of 2012...?

From what I gathered from watching The Help all it takes to get a nomination for the Oscar’s is pie. Chocolate pie specifically. Now, I know that this site isn’t about movie reviews. I do that over on Dante Rants. But Camille and I watched a couple of movies that people have been raving about and I must say, we’re disappointed.

Shitting in pies makes people happy.

Camille has read The Help and listened to the audio book. so she knew the story going in. I thought it was about two girls raised together by these servants but one of them grew up to be a totally racist bitch. That was not the case and I’m not gonna explain what the movie is about. Needless to say Black people got fucked over.

"'Shit eating grin!' Get it?!"

Now, as much as I love Viola Davis her performance in this movie was…okay. Everyone was okay. No one did anything that really stood out to me. People were either helpless, ignorant, or mean as hell. Camille mentioned a lot of glaring omissions from the movie which completely changed the tone of the movie. One thing I did get from the movie was that shitting in chocolate pie ruins lives.

Shit pie causes indigestion. 

This movie was so much about that chocolate pie. I haven’t seen a movie that focused on pastry this much since American Pie. Seriously, that pie became the focus of the film way too much. Relationships happened in fast forward, there were miscarriages, people were treated like animal, and folks were losing their jobs. I don’t know how their lives ended up but I can tell you the entire story of that damned pie.

One of eight versions of her in the movie.

Now on to Meryl Streep and her role in The Iron Lady. There was no robot suit which was totally disappointing. I don’t know much about history. Just the random crap that catches my imagination. But even as I watched this movie I knew that a lot of stuff was being left out so that they could focus on Margaret Thatcher hallucinating.

As I watched the movie I kept saying to Camille Wow, this is an unlikable woman!” I don’t know much about Thatcher but I do know that she was not well liked. This movie seemed to try and make her this relatable and sad character. Which she wasn’t. And the scene where her husband walks into the bright light…yeah. Camille was yanked right out of the film at that point.

"I'd like to thank God..."

In closing, I just want all the ladies out there to know that if you want to be a world renowned star, stop fucking around with acting lessons because at the end of the day, a film that is being paraded as one of the best films of the year, you will be outshined by a goddamn piece of pie.


Hazel said...

I figured I would hate 'The Help' because I generally hate issues movies and I hate women's issues movies most of all. They bring out my inner misogynist. This film sounds so bad it might even bring out my inner racist. But nothing could make me hate pie.

You hit the nail on the head with the Thatcher movie. And she was a horrible, cruel, merciless bitch. I met an ex-British Foreign Office official a couple of years ago, he was retired and working in the msuic business in Dublin and he told me about his and his policeman brother's experience in 1980s Britain. He seemed like a decent guy, very balanced and reasonable but I still wasn't entirely shocked when he said that he was so angry that Thatcher had descended into dementia, because it meant she would never experience the fear, cold and hunger that she had condemned a generation of pensioners to. And that's only one of the horrors she inflicted on the vulnerable in the UK. As for the film, it was shite, and did not deserve Streep. I grew up watching Thatcher on TV on a near-daily basis and she was uncannily like her. What sentimental shite though. Ugh.

Eh...happy thoughts, fluffy bunnies and such. I need to clear my head of Thatcherism.

Dante said...

The movie felt far too much like "Let's just give Streep something to do. And where is Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer?" Some as saying its Oscar fodder. If that's the case then the Oscar's are shit.

I admit that I do not know much about Thatcher. All I knew was that she was not a good person. This film didn't help that. It was full of so much speculation about her dementia. I wish I knew what the film was about before me and Cam watched it.

Hazel said...

It's TV Movie of the week crap, dressed up with Meryl Streep.

Incidentally, you say watching the film, you felt that she is not a likeable person. The funny this is, it is an incredibly sympathetic portrayal of Thatcher. So if you dislike her while watching this soft-focus biopic of her, you can imagine how awful the real woman was.