Thursday, February 9, 2012

Standoff With Your Pants Off

LOS ANGELES — A suspect in an auto theft has been arrested after a bizarre five-hour standoff on the rooftops of a Los Angeles neighborhood.

Police SWAT members climbed the roof of a home and peppered the man with bean-bag ammunition shortly after 1 p.m. Thursday. Officer Karen Rayner says that convinced the man to scramble over to a truck-mounted ramp and he was lowered to the ground and handcuffed.

Officer Bruce Borihanh says police began following a reportedly stolen car shortly before 8 a.m. but after a short chase, the driver stopped, ran off and climbed onto a roof in the Westwood area near the University of California, Los Angeles.

Camille: It really would only take one person to handle the whole rooftop thing then, a couple guys to tackle him if he was able to run. I really doubt a whole SWAT team is needed with dogs, etc.

And by "one person" she means Steven Seagal.

Dante: Apparently he has superpowers that we aren't privy to. That's the only reason why this can be happening. Otherwise they just--I just came up with a theory. Maybe its like when I worked at the hospital and we charged for every single thing patients used. Like they know it takes one person but they get more when they bring in all these unnecessary accessories.

Camille: I've got the solution! A Big Mac Meal!

LA Times Article: Police were able to lure a naked man who spent hours atop a downtown radio tower with McDonald's hamburgers. The man climbed to the top of the tower Wednesday night. At one point, police sources said, he asked for hamburgers from McDonald's. Officials complied, and he agreed to come down after eating his meal.

The 45-year-old Arizona resident was uninjured. It was unclear why he climbed the structure, which is part of a city personnel building just west of the downtown skyline. He removed items of clothing after he began scaling the tower about 4 p.m.

Dante: Hahaha!!! That's awesome! It would totally work. Not with me though. It has to be a double cheeseburger. Big Mac's taste funny to me. I love that there's no explanation for why he did it as if any explanation would be justified. "Oh? Your wife left you. Okay. I can totally see why you would scale a tower and remove your clothes only to come down when we offer you a shitty meal."

Camille: The Westwood guy is in the Times now. It says he was hopping roofs New York style. I love that he brought it to the west coast!

Seriously, someone just go get him. I'm going to make a Wahlberg speculation here: I bet if anyone, hell, if I go up there and just say, "Dude. Come on. Its almost lunch time." He'd just kick at the air and say "I know! Shit! Alright." and bam! He's coming down in the elevator with me. Done. No violence necessary.

Dante: I would get in the chopper and pour cooking oil on him. It doesn’t even have to be hot though that would be fun for me. Holy shit I typed that whole sentence without looking at the keys! Anyhoot, just pour some oil and be prepared to laugh your ass off at the greasy man that tries to run away.

Yep. Just like this.
Camille: Cue Benny Hill Theme!

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